Posted in Journal

To My Future Borta

I thought of writing you a letter while you’re still unknown to me. It’s thrilling to know that one day, someday, we’ll meet as complete strangers, probably won’t find each other interesting and attractive, but I can’t wait for the moment when little by little, we’ll realize how much we want to annoy each other for the rest of our lives. Because I’m pretty sure you’ll be cutest when you’re annoyed. Hahaha!

Whoever you are, I just have this feeling that you’re a borta guy; either you have a borta mind, a borta heart, a borta passion and talent, or maybe you have a pair of borta braso and borta chest that are perfect for cuddling sesh. Hahahah! Whatever you look, please make sure that you’re always mabango even if you wear nothing but just pawis. Rawr! Hahaha!

I know that you’ll accept me for who I am, because hello, my Mama did, and you have zero excuse if you claim that you love me. Hohoho. But still, I want to tell you things about myself because I might not have the time to tell you these- I’m a busy person, and it would be okay if you’re also one.

I laugh in my sleep. So please, don’t be jumpy if while you look at my very, very beautiful sleeping face at 3am, I suddenly laugh. Hahaha! I know that would be creepy, but you’ll get use to it. I am probably having a beautiful dream which I will eventually share with you in the morning over taho and eggs and coffee, whichever you prefer.

I am a proud cat lady. I talk to cats, I kiss their tummies, and I let them sleep on my bed. I won’t mind if you like dogs or birds, I am very welcoming of pets, but please always remember that when you choose me, you also choose my cats.

You are not my first love, not my first boyfriend, and definitely not my first date, but we can still share a lot of first times together; walk along the seashore, duet of our favorite song, reading books on the same page, sharing our meal with each other, stargazing, and praying. We can never be too old to stop trying, yes?

I am at my most talkative self at night. If I love you, you’ll be my instant human diary. I will tell you everything that happened to me throughout the day, from my weirdest dream to the most annoying and adorable person in the world, (please know that it’s you.)  I wish you’ll be patient in listening to my stories, but please, if you are too tired or too busy to listen, offer me Double Dutch ice cream instead. It will stop my mouth from talking and I will not feel rejected, and you will appear to be the most handsome guy in the whole wide world!

I am a woman. And so I nag. I nag if I’m on point. And I still nag even if I’m at fault. So please don’t say anything. Cuddle me and we’ll be fine, because I’m a woman, I have saltik, and that makes me awesome. Come on, just agree.

But everything about me is just half of the story, because the other half of it would be about you. I want you to know that I’ve been praying not for someone like you, but for you alone, and it’s definitely okay not to put your best foot forward when you’re with me. You can stumble and fall, because real men do- the borta way.

You can snore while you sleep, (‘cause that’s more normal than laughing, eh.) Snoring means you are tired of a heavy day, which also means you’re not lazy. I will be proud of you, really.

It’s okay to eat extra rice, borta or not, that is what I expect of guys. LOL

It’s okay to play with my hair. And I will play with your braso. Hahaha! No, seriously, it’s okay to make landi with my hair. Urgh. I just love it.

You can cry. There will be times when I know I have to be the stronger one, and that would be perfectly fine. See, I can handle cry babies, but not cowards.

There will be a lot of other things that you can be, and that’s gonna be fine with me. Not because I know that nobody can be perfect, but because it’s you. I will always have an accepting heart for who you are and who you want to be. I will befriend your demons and hug you tight until you come to realize that we have the same demons inside our heads and it’s okay to let them stay, not because they are part of us, but because they don’t seem to exist when we are together.

To you who is yet to come, I know that you are also praying for me. Galingan mo pa sa paghahanap, I am not a princess. I am a warrior. (‘Cause the warrior is a child. Cheret! Hahahhaha!)


Posted in Journal

A Borta to Remember! 

Dahil mahilig ako sa long walks,  naisip kong bumaba sa La Joya at lumakad pauwing bahay.  Mga 6:30 na ng gabi at madilim na konti. Nakita ko na may nagja-jogging na makakasalubong ko.  Nung malapit na siya,  na-realize ko na si kuyang borta pala iyon na nakakasabay ko din tumakbo kung madaling araw!  Dahil maharot ako,  umawra ako ng lakad.  Kendeng kendeng ganyan.  Pero may natapakan akong madulas!  Ayoko nang isipin kung ano ‘yon.  Basta ang alam ko,  tumama ang tuhod ko sa simento.  Sakit bes!  Maya-maya,  nakita ko na ang pares ng machong mga binti sa harap ko.  Omgggggg!  Nung mga panahong ito feeling ko lumipad yung bra ko sa sobrang kilig!

Borts : Hi!  Are you okay?

Me: (Syempre hindi!  ) Hiii!  I’m Gia.  (Hihihi, ganyan ang mga banat mga beks!)

Borts : (natawa,  nagulat siguro)  I’m Erick.  So,  are you okay?

Me: No.  Only Gia. I’m not okay.

Borts : (Mas tumawa pa)  Okay,  Gia.  Samahan na kita hanggang sa pila ng tricycle,  medyo madilim na dito e.

Me: O sige.

Smile lang ang inoffer ni bakluh mga ate,  hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako nagbaon ng madaming madaming punch lines ngayong araw na ito maliban sa pangalan ko.  Nung nasa pilahan na kami ng tricyle:

Me: Sige,  thank you.

Borts : Kaya mo na dito?

Me: (Tango tango)

Borts : (sa driver)  Kuya,  pahatid nalang ho siya sa..  (Tingin sakin,  nagtatanong)

Me: Sa may diyan lang kuya,  turo ko nalang sa’yo.  (At saka sumakay na si atez)

Pasensya kana kuyang borta at hindi ko binigay ang address ko.  Iba kasi yung iniintay kong dumalaw sa bahay.  Hahahahahah!  Pero palagi ko pong maaalala ang long walk natin na ito.  Ang ganda ganda po ng braso niyo.

©GiaMarie. 2017

Posted in Journal

DETA Revival: The Magic Four

Last year, I decided to make a big decision in my life; to take a Master’s Degree in Drama Education and Theater Arts at Philippine Normal University with three of the bravest souls I’ve known; Mar Zeus Katigbak, (a forever classmate since first year college, I was like “Eww, hanggang dito ba naman Zeus?), Joe Louie Lavaro, (the greatest kuya of all who lend me 500 pesos when I ran out of budget for our first enrollment, proud pa ‘ko e.) And of course, Ann Katherine Corpuz, (the ‘ate’ in age but not in size, immune ang katawan niya sa taba! Lakas maka-teenager. LOL)

I just thought of writing an entry about how we were able to push the program because we’re awesome! Char. Hahaha! Seriously, I think we are in a beautiful journey right now. Reviving this program was really a challenge- a beautiful challenge that we all agreed to pursue because of one thing: passion.

And when a person is passionate, he can bring anything back to life- DETA is a proof!

Of course we can’t do it alone, we asked the help of Dr. Gina O. Gonong, (our former professor in Linguistics and Reasearch,) to help us arrange our request form. Kuya Louie was the one who communicated with her during those times, (Zeus and I can’t talk to her highness, hahaha! We’re shy. Geez! Love you, Ma’am G!) After filling up all the information needed, the next thing that we had to do is to get our adviser sign the form in two days. Well, we had time pressure, dear. Hohoho!

Question: What will you do if you have to get a paper in your hand, (and your hand is attached to your gorgeous body and your body is in Manila,) signed by someone who is in Tagaytay? (Of course you want it done properly  so you won’t ever think of faking the signature, right? RIGHT? LMAO)

Answer: When a person is passionate, he can bring anything back to life. So you travel from Manila to Tagaytay.

Not that far my dear, but for someone who’s never been in Tagaytay, that must be something! Hahaha! Don’t you worry, I prayed the rosary for directions.  (I had to do it alone ’cause my place is the nearest in both Manila and Tagaytay. 🙂 )

Our adviser is Prof. Leigh Ann Corpuz. Zeus and I already know her because she was our Professor in Community Theater during undergrad.She’s very approachable, talented, but also strict at the same time. Knowing these things about her made us all excited and, well, nervous. LOL – Oh, and yes, her signature was the key to finally pass the paper. Hoho

Then the waiting game began.

I guess we all come to a point where waiting make us all wanna quit. But because we’re amazing, we didn’t! Hahaha! The key to being amazing is to love waiting. Because sometimes the moment when we’re about to quit is the very moment when we’re gonna get what we really, really want!

While other graduate students enroll, we were still waiting for the approval of the Dean. Kuya Louie had to make several phone calls to know the result. After two gracious weeks of waiting, he informed us that the office had approved our request. Yeeesh! It was all worth it!

The four of us met on the day of enrollment where we found out how petite Ate Ann Katherine is. Hahaha! And becoming close to each other seemed to be an easy process because, hello! We’re all “buang” in nature!

So to end this entry, I would like to encourage those who have a rare passion, to not be afraid of pursuing what makes you happy. Taking a Master’s Degree is never easy, but it is surely fun if you’re doing what you love.

Remember: When you are passionate, you can make and share a life!- Magic Four is a proof! 🙂

© Gia Marie, 2017

Posted in Journal

Writer’s Poetics

Bakit ka nagsusulat?

Ito ang unang beses na sasagutin ko ang tanong na ito. Kahit na madaming beses na itong tumakbo sa isip ko noon.

Hayaan mo akong magkwento sandali.

Unang beses akong sumulat noong nasa ika-limang baitang ako. Pinupuno ko ng tula ang school diary ko na dapat sanang pinagsusulatan ko ng aming mga takdang aralin at proyekto. Tula tungkol sa pag-ibig, kahit na wala pa akong alam na kahit na ano tungkol dito. Siguro kung naitago ko ang diary na ‘yon at mabasa ko ulit ang mga nasabing tula ay matatawa ako at mapapangiwi sa kung paano ako nag-astang makata sa isang bagay na hindi ko pa nararanasan noon. Naisip ko tuloy ngayon, hindi pala kailangan ng karanasan para makapagsulat. Natatawa ako.

Noong bagong taon ng 2015, habang sumasayaw ang mga paputok sa kalangitan, umaawit naman ng hika ang hininga ng Nanay ko. Iyon ang unang beses na nakita ko siyang iniinda ang paghinga, at masakit iyon sakin. Habang hinihintay ko siya sa lobby ng ospital ay nakapag-sulat ako ng tula ng may apat na saknong. Tula kung saan nakapaloob ang sakit at takot ko nang makitang magkasakit ang Nanay ko. Matagal ko nang alam na kailangan ng tunay na karanasan upang makapagsulat- simula nang mangyari ito.

Ang dami kong hanash, so bakit nga ba ako sumusulat? Maaaring magbago ang sagot ko sa tanong na ito sa hinaharap pero sa ngayon, masasabi ko na sumusulat ako para makunan ng larawan ang mga emosyon at imahinasyon ko. Matagal ko nang ginawang lente ang lapis ko, at mahilig akong pagsirku-sirkuhin ang mga salita hanggang sa mahuli nito ang emosyon at imahinasyon na hindi ko sinasalita sa iba bukod sa sarili ko. At kapag nagagawa ko ‘yon, shet, suryal!

Paano ka nagsusulat?

Pinaghahandaan ng mga Nanay ang unang araw ng pagpasok ng anak nila sa kinder. Sa bahay, tinuturuan na silang magbilang hanggang sampu o minsan ay hanggang isang daan pa, (hanggang labing isa lamang ang nakabisado ko.) Pero ‘wag nating pag-usapan ang pagbibilang, dahil mas natutuwa akong alalahanin kung paano ako natutong magsulat; hahawakan ng nanay ko ang maliit kong kanang kamay at dahan dahan kaming susulat ng mga letra na kalaunan ay mapagtatanto kong pangalan ko pala. Pagkatapos ay saka niya ako susubukin at sasabihing, “O sige, ikaw naman.” Makakaramdam ako ng munting kapangyarihan sa tuwing sasabihin niya ito. Ililipat ko ang lapis sa kaliwa kong kamay at saka susulat ng mga kaparehang letra. Mas mabilis- mas malinaw. Marunong ang kanan kong kamay, pero magaling ang kaliwa.

Noong ako ay nasa sekondarya, hindi masyadong matataas ang mga grado ko sa mga sanaysay at tula. Mahilig daw akong gumamit ng salitang balbal sa formal theme, at hindi ‘raw magkakasukat ang mga saknong ko sa tula. Pero alam kong magaling ako sa rhyming words. Ewan ko kung bakit hindi nila pinuri iyon. Hindi ko naman kinwestiyon ang standards ng aking mga naging guro, katulad ng hindi ko pagtanggi sa arm chair na para lamang sa mga right handed students.

Kahit malikot ang imahinasyon ko at kahit makulay ang mga karanasan ko, masasabi kong kaunti pa lamang ang alam ko sa pagsulat, o maaari ngang wala pa. Pero sumusulat ako sa kaparehang paraan ng kung papaano nagpipinta ang pintor.

Magaan. Makulay. Makahulugan.

Para kanino ka nagsusulat?

Ito ang multimillion worth of question para sa akin! Hindi ko alam kung magpapakatotoo ako o mambobola. Pero dahil hindi ako magaling sa persuasive essay, doon tayo sa una.

Kahit na ako’y guro, hindi ko masabing nagsusulat ako para sa mga estudyante ko. At lalong hindi para sa eskwelahang pinagtatrabahuhan ko. Hindi parating maganda ang isinusulat ko, at hindi parating kabutihan ang gusto kong ipakita.

Gusto kong isipin na nagsusulat ako para sa mga taong hindi mailabas ang kanilang saloobin, katulad ng kung papaano nagsulat si Rizal noong panahon ng Amerikano, ay, ng Hapon pala. (Muntik na akong bumagsak sa history noon.) Pero natatakot akong hindi iyon ang gift ko. Hindi rin ako ganon katalino para sumulat ng isang satirical play para katukin ang puso ng mga tiwaling pulitiko, pero gustong gusto ko sana noon.

Madalas, nagsusulat ako para sa sarili ko. Hindi para malibang, kundi para mag-iyak ng emosyon at imahinasyon. Paulit ulit man pero totoo ito. Napaka-liit ng utak ko para ikulong lamang ang mga ganitong bagay, lalo na’t alam kong magaling lumimot ang isip ko, katulad ng kung papaano ko nakakalimutan kung hihilain ko ba o itutulak ang pinto kapag nakakikita ako ng push o pull na signage.  

Mas madalas, nagsusulat ako para sa mga taong malungkot at pagod; sa mga taong hindi magaling sa science pero mahilig sa buwan at mga bituin, sa mga taong higit pa sa numero ang kayang bilangin; sa mga taong hindi nagmamadali sa byahe at mahilig umakyat ng puno, nagsusulat ako para sa mga kapwa ko makata.

© Gia Marie, 2017

Posted in Journal

To Someone Who I Want To Call Mine


To someone who I want to call Mine,

It all happened during the time when I didn’t expect anything to happen. It all started during the time when I was on my strongest self. Defenses up. Full of confidence. Smarter. Fearless. It all happened when I am at my best. “You” happened during the time when I’ve already recovered and yes, wholeheartedly speaking, whole. So please never assume that I just talk to you because I am bored with my life.

You are the most unexpected event that has happened to me this year. Unexpected because, well, who, in her deepest sense of sanity, would ever think of liking her rival? Silly as it may sound, but that was 12 midnight and I found myself laughing sooo hard, talking nonsense to someone who I barely know, and, fuck the holy shit, yes, I liked it. Yes, I was happy. Yes I am happy. And I’ve never been that happy, this happy since time immemorial especially, given the fact that we’ve only met once. How possible is it on Earth to get so close to someone who didn’t leave a good impression on you? Well, I guess it’s all possible when your ideas jive with each other. I don’t know but if you’ve been honest with me since day one, I could say that we – hit – it -off. And I say it in a very well enunciated manner of speaking.

Sorry, I could no longer enumerate sweet actions we’ve been throwing on one another. Not that I don’t remember them. It is because remembering them makes me believe that we are more than what we are right now. Aside from that, I still want to keep some things private from the eyes of people reading this as of the moment. Chos people, chos. Hahaah.

Everything that I know about you is special. You are special. And being your friend does not give me satisfaction. Hey, I’m not putting you anywhere unstable. Really. You are actually, in the safest place of my being; in my heart. Congratulations, you’ve gone that far, you are now in charge of my happiness.

I hope you know that I am not afraid of telling my friends… our friends about you and me. You know what I’m really scared of ? It’s you, not saying anything. It’s you who sends mixed signals. It’s you who put me in a very confusing situation. It’s you who distracts the difference between being lovers and being friends. Since day one, I’ve been thinking of your intention in approaching me. You confuse me a lot. Are you really that friendly? Because I am not. And I am acting like this because I like you. I + the strongest feeling on Earth + you. (If ever you ask for the formula. )

My question is, are you gonna stay? Because if we are not on the same page, might as well tell me. Tell me politely that I am wrong. Tell me politely that the letter I’ve read days ago did not come from you.

Tell me, I’m sorry ( insert my first and second names,) the feeling is not mutual.

Please tell me because I’m beginning to build my world around you. And I don’t want to take the risk if it means I’m gonna lose you. I can be your friend but I would love to be more than that.

I know you’ll read this. Please, if we are on the same page, tell me. I would love to hear it coming from you. But, if I am wrong about everything that I thought we are, let’s just stop. Help me save the pride I’ve been dying to give myself.

Since I’ve already told you everything, I’ll start to wait. I want to know whatever your answer is…

2:40 am

© Gia Marie 2016
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