To Someone Who I Want To Call Mine

1:00am

To someone who I want to call Mine,

It all happened during the time when I didn’t expect anything to happen. It all started during the time when I was on my strongest self. Defenses up. Full of confidence. Smarter. Fearless. It all happened when I am at my best. “You” happened during the time when I’ve already recovered and yes, wholeheartedly speaking, whole. So please never assume that I just talk to you because I am bored with my life.

You are the most unexpected event that has happened to me this year. Unexpected because, well, who, in her deepest sense of sanity, would ever think of liking her rival? Silly as it may sound, but that was 12 midnight and I found myself laughing sooo hard, talking nonsense to someone who I barely know, and, fuck the holy shit, yes, I liked it. Yes, I was happy. Yes I am happy. And I’ve never been that happy, this happy since time immemorial especially, given the fact that we’ve only met once. How possible is it on Earth to get so close to someone who didn’t leave a good impression on you? Well, I guess it’s all possible when your ideas jive with each other. I don’t know but if you’ve been honest with me since day one, I could say that we – hit – it -off. And I say it in a very well enunciated manner of speaking.

Sorry, I could no longer enumerate sweet actions we’ve been throwing on one another. Not that I don’t remember them. It is because remembering them makes me believe that we are more than what we are right now. Aside from that, I still want to keep some things private from the eyes of people reading this as of the moment. Chos people, chos. Hahaah.

Everything that I know about you is special. You are special. And being your friend does not give me satisfaction. Hey, I’m not putting you anywhere unstable. Really. You are actually, in the safest place of my being; in my heart. Congratulations, you’ve gone that far, you are now in charge of my happiness.

I hope you know that I am not afraid of telling my friends… our friends about you and me. You know what I’m really scared of ? It’s you, not saying anything. It’s you who sends mixed signals. It’s you who put me in a very confusing situation. It’s you who distracts the difference between being lovers and being friends. Since day one, I’ve been thinking of your intention in approaching me. You confuse me a lot. Are you really that friendly? Because I am not. And I am acting like this because I like you. I + the strongest feeling on Earth + you. (If ever you ask for the formula. )

My question is, are you gonna stay? Because if we are not on the same page, might as well tell me. Tell me politely that I am wrong. Tell me politely that the letter I’ve read days ago did not come from you.

Tell me, I’m sorry ( insert my first and second names,) the feeling is not mutual.

Please tell me because I’m beginning to build my world around you. And I don’t want to take the risk if it means I’m gonna lose you. I can be your friend but I would love to be more than that.

I know you’ll read this. Please, if we are on the same page, tell me. I would love to hear it coming from you. But, if I am wrong about everything that I thought we are, let’s just stop. Help me save the pride I’ve been dying to give myself.

Since I’ve already told you everything, I’ll start to wait. I want to know whatever your answer is…

2:40 am

© Gia Marie 2016